The Unbothered Woman

Unbothered: not experiencing mental or physical discomfort (adjective) Slang: indifferent to criticism or negative comments; not annoyed or provoked.

(https://www.dictionary.com/browse/unbothered).

I am pretty sure that I was born bothered. Ever since childhood, I remember being worried about what others thought of me, felt shame when I was the topic of conversation or would be defensive to criticism. I always wondered why I was mentally made like this. Why was I so bothered about what others thought of me and their irrelevant opinions? Why did it burn straight down to my core when I heard my name in someone’s mouth? Looking back, I definitely was insecure to the point that whenever someone said something about me I took it to heart. Their thoughts began to be mine because what I heard about me from others was what I was always going to believe first. I missed several opportunities to be at peace with myself but what really hindered that was fear, insecurity and being highly self-conscious. I was feeling bothered for years. I couldn’t walk into a room without wanting to know what others thought about me. I tortured myself with being bothered. When I wasn’t bothered by something or someone, I was lost and didn’t know what to do with myself. If I wasn’t worried, I didn’t feel right. Worrying and being bothered was familiar and my normal and it was hard to depart from the idea that I, Naomi, could never be bothered again in my life. Allow me to tell what helped me become the unbothered woman that I am today. Self-love was my biggest obstacle to overcome. For most of my life, I literally hated every aspect of myself. I hated the way I talked, looked, walked, read, the color of my skin. Finally, in my late 20’s I took the steps to learn to love myself unconditionally, my skin and my culture. Now, I love being the awkward black girl, with the Afro puff and bright smile. Self-care was what I never felt worthy of. I felt undeserving because of past traumatic experiences. I decided I never want to feel depressed to the point of suicide again or take pills to ease my anxiety. I want to be content and at peace. I didn’t want anymore adverse effects to antidepressants. I wanted to be free without limitations. One step at a time, I learned about mindfulness, mental health, meditation, treating myself, taking the time to be quiet in solitude and to put myself first because if I didn’t do it, who will. I finally understood that self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Self-control is one of the hardest things that I had to practice and manage. I was so used to reacting emotionally and allowing others to control me by getting me worked up. I stopped responding to social media statuses that were meant to cause strife. I brushed over subliminal messages and silently laughed in the face of negativity. I no longer feel obligated to have the last word just to prove my worth. Now, I feel complete, whole, loved, cared for and especially unbothered. The unbothered woman is me and I am she. I have the ability to practice self-love without disgust, unbothered. I am an advocate for self-care. I know when and how to take care of myself, unbothered. Self-control is my daily goal and I am successful at it, unbothered. I laugh, cry, love, smile, ponder, and create, unbothered. When nothing can make you stumble and knock you off your game, you are the unbothered woman. I can testify, that being completely unbothered is definitely achievable and worth it. Being unbothered never felt so good….