Good Evening loves! I hope that everyone has had a relaxing Saturday. I have thoroughly enjoyed my Saturday by eating fulfilling food, drinking plenty of water and resting at home. As I was reflecting today I realized a few things about my healing journey and thought I might share my thoughts in this blog post.
As I continue my healing journey I always discover ways to make progress that I would have never thought of before if I stayed in toxic situations. Vulnerability has been quite the themed issue throughout my life due to fear of being hurt, rejected and ultimately devastated. During my previous relationship I was never given the safe space to be vulnerable and share my feelings. If I gave a slight glimpse of vulnerability, I would immediately have been scorned and belittled which caused me to shut down and be afraid to express myself fully. The toxicity within that situation practically forced me to repress my feelings and emotions to the point that I became cold and numb to any love shown to me. Even prior to that relationship, I was never given the space to express my feelings without it being dismissed or being called “too emotional.” Throughout my life, even during childhood, I trauma responded to not being open by building walls and silencing my voice and feelings which later in life I discovered it was parental conditioning to allow others to always feel comfortable with their feelings while disregarding my own and that led to excessively pleasing others. As we all know that never goes well and it can be detrimental to your emotional and mental health. I truly suffered through this almost my entire life, until I woke up. When I left behind toxic situations and fervently went on my healing journey I began to realize I shouldn’t be afraid to be vulnerable and reveal the soft, emotional side of myself that was hidden after all of these years. I knew before I could even be vulnerable with others that I had to first be vulnerable with myself and tend to the wounds that forced me to reject emotional vulnerability initially. As I was sifting through my feelings, writing down my traumas and meditating, I noticed a change within me, I was beginning to heal that wound of not being vulnerable at all to being more open to my emotions and finding what I truly feel and to accept that my feelings are valid. As I was healing that part of me, I was able to express my feelings and be a whole lot more vulnerable to close friends. I felt like I unlocked a whole new level of healing. As I became more vulnerable with myself and close friends, I was able to be more vulnerable publicly. Vulnerability is powerful because it helped me heal and become more emotionally mature. Now, I freely give myself the space to be more vulnerable and to express myself completely without the limited restrictions of others. Being more vulnerable begins with you being real with yourself and digging deep to how you truly feel. Vulnerability is ignition to healing.